


How to do Proper English Good and Stuff

by AllyRanger



Category: ASTRO (Band), BLACKPINK (Band), EXO (Band), GOT7, K-pop, Pentagon (Korea Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS, 소녀시대 | Girls' Generation | SNSD
Genre: Guide, How-to, reference
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-25 08:21:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16193711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllyRanger/pseuds/AllyRanger
Summary: A guide for the wayward fanfiction author, those without a beta reader or spell/grammar check functionality (or those with an inability to use one), and those for whom English is not their first language*. This guide (ever-updating) will walk you through homonyms, contractions and common errors found in fanfiction and help you to avoid them, kick ass and take names when writing stuff on the internet.*You're a rockstar if English is your second, third or fourth language and you are writing fanfiction in it! This author loves and salutes you!Title inspired by Zoolander.





	1. An Introduction and Explanation

Hello! I'm Ally and I'm your friendly neighbourhood fanfiction reader. I'm also the artist formerly known as "She who wrote some fanfiction way back when," and "She who was also a beta reader." I have many names. I particularly enjoy Pookie.

About this work: this is my passion project. I like words. They're cool. We're pals and we get along well. I like them best when they are used correctly - in context and with correct spelling. Unfortunately, they don't always end up where they're meant to be in fanfiction.

So. I understand what it's like to be a writer and to be shy or time poor. Too shy to ask for a beta. Too time poor to receive edit after edit and make corrections or rewrites. Too eager to post because _"OMG they totally make out in this chapter and Imma squeeeee!"_    I also know that there are writers for whom English is not their first language (you guys are rockstars!) so I'm throwing this guide out here for all of you. The shy guys, the eager beavers, the LOTE peeps and anyone who just wants to learn the difference between their, there and they're.

 

I hope this guide helps in some way.

 

 **You can ask me questions!** Leave a comment on the  Q & A chapter and I'll do my best to provide a timely answer (if I know it).

 **No, I cannot beta read your work.** I'm time poor and I cannot guarantee any turn around time. Therefore I must NOPE out.

 **This will be updated frequently.** Be mindful that new entries will be posted in the appropriate chapters and therefore no alerts will be issued.

 **I make mistakes.** I'm awesome, but I am not perfect. Sometimes I will get it wrong. Feel free to  politely tell me if I mess up.

 **If you want me to tag other fandoms** , leave a comment down below this chapter.

 **I'm Australian.** We use the Queen's English, mate. That means if you use American spelling, you tend to take out the U's that we tend to leave in (favour vs. favor).

 **Did you write this in response to X work?** No. I am widely read and I have a long memory. These are common issues I see across all fandoms.


	2. Homophones: She ate dessert in the desert whether or not the weather was good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It all sounds the same to me.

**Homonyms** are words that sound the same but have different meanings depending on the context. **Homophones** are words that sound the same but have different meanings and spelling. The term homonym is widely used to refer to BOTH forms and out of respect for my laziness, henceforth everything is a homonym.

Aye - Gaelic origins. Naval term. Agreement. Yes. _" Aye, Captain," she said, rushing to complete her new orders._  
Eye - Body part. Used for sight. _"A bug flew into my eye! I can't see!"_

Bare - Uncovered/uncovering. Naked. Plain, basic or simple. _Taehyung raced out into the living area, body as bare as the day he was born. "Did someone say japchae?" _or _"This salad is a little bare; can you add more dressing?" _or _He told them the bare bones of the plan _or _If the dog bares his teeth, run_.  
Bear - An animal. A personality trait: surly, gruff. _The bear snarled as it approached_ or _"He's a bit of a bear first thing in the morning, our Yoongi. Be careful when you wake him."_

Brake - Mechanical device. Used for slowing down or stopping. _"I hit the brakes, but it was too late to stop in time."_  
Break - Damage. Smash. _"I didn't mean to break the vase, but it was so ugly."_  
Broke (a) - Break, past tense. _"I broke the vase because it was ugly. Really, I was doing you a favour and you should thank me for breaking it."_  
Broke (b) - Having no or little money. _"I'm so broke that even ramen looks like a five course meal I can't afford."_

Daze - Confusion. Shock. Zoned out. _"He looks like he's in some kind of daze," Namjoon said. Jin snorted. "Joon, he's been like that since he saw Jimin's abs. That was two weeks ago."_  
Days - Time period. _"What day is it, Chim? I got tired of keeping track of it all, so I gave up," he sighed, lips forming a sad pout. Jimin stared at him. "TaeTae, you realise that's what calendars are for, right?"_

Dear - Feeling of closeness. Personally important or precious. Negative exclamation (ie: when something bad happens). _"He's a bit of a dimwit, but he's a dear friend."_ or _"It's very dear to me, if I lost it I might die!"_ or _"Oh dear. Not again."_  
Deer - An animal. _In deer hunting season, wear bright colours to let hunters know you're not prey._

Die - Related to death. _"BTS is coming to my city. I'll die happy!"_ or _Hoseok gasped as he tugged at the door of the haunted house, desperate to escape. "Tae's in charge; we're all going to die!"_  
Dye - Related to colouring an item. _When will Jimin dye his hair pink again?_

Desert - A barren, sandy place. _"I'm sweating my ass off in this desert and there's nothing to do but look at all this sand!"_  
Desert - To run away from. Leave. _"You could go to prison if you desert your post"._  
Dessert - Food. Tasty treat. Nom. _"I'm having patbingsu for dessert and there's nothing you can do to stop me."_

Grate (a) - Shred. _" Grate some cheese for me, please. I need to work on the pizza sauce."_  
Grate (b) - Irritate. _"She really grates on my nerves."_  
Grate (c) - Covering. _"I just had the fireplace grate cleaned. I never knew it could be that colour!"_  
Great (a) - Size. Importance. _"That's a great big spider."_  
Great (b) - Good. Awesome. _"That was great! I love it like oxygen. Do it again!"_

Hear - Related to the ear. Sound. Listen. _"I can hear you, you idiot, I'm right next to you!"_  
Here - Location. Place. _"Come over here and let's play Overwatch!"_

Sight - Related to vision. Seeing. _"You're a sight for sore eyes."_  
Site - Specific location. Work site. Building site. Website. _"You should check out my Suga fan site._"

Saw - Related to sight/vision. _"I saw what you did, Kookie!"_  
Saw - Tool. Cutting activity. _"It's gonna take a lot to saw through that."_  
Soar - Flying. _He just wanted to let go and soar through the sky._  
Sore - Physical feeling. _"My ass has been sore for days now. I'm walking like an old man!"_

There - Location. Place. _"Hobi's over there by the vending machine."_  
Their - Ownership. Belongs to. _"That's their house, just up on the hill."_  
They're - Contraction. Shortened version of _"they are." " They're going to be so mad at you."_  
  
A quick guide is to ask yourself:

  * is this a shortened version of two words (they are:they're)
  * is this in relation to ownership of something (their house; their car)
  * if the answer to the above is NO, then you need there.



_They're (who) over there (where) at their (belongs to) house.  
_[MW](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/there) says it best and includes details on more nuanced usage of there.

Tire/d (a) - Exhausted. Needing rest or sleep. _"I tire out so easily these days."_  
Tire/d (b) - Bored. No interest. Less commonly used. _"I tire of these childish games. Let's play Overwatch."_  
Tyre - Car part. The rubber around the wheel of a car. _"I have a flat tyre. Save me, Oppa!"_

Yore - In the past. Less commonly used. _In the times of yore, people used to walk everywhere._  
Your - Belonging to a specific person. _"Can you pass me your plate, Tae?" _or _"Is that your phone ringing?"_  
You're - Contraction. Short version of _"_ _you are_." Jimin looked furious. _" You're pissing me off, Kookie. Hand me the remote."_

Ware - Merchandise. _The merchant's wares were simple, but beautiful._  
Wear (a) - To have on one's self. _"_ _He wears Gucci like he owns it. I can't even afford ramen_." or _What are you going to wear to the concert?_  
Wear (b) - Deteriorate. _Your shoes will wear down over time.  
_Were - Special usage. Shortened term for _were wolf._  
Where - Location. _"_ Where will we meet you?"

Weather (a) - Conditions outside ie: sunny, rainy, windy. _The weather was brutal - a hurricane was fast approaching._  
Weather (b) - Survive. Make it through. _"No matter what happens, we'll weather this storm together." _  
Whether - see [Merriam Webster](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/whether). _"I don't know whether he's going to make it to the show on time."_


	3. Place Holder #1

Stuff to be put here.


	4. Ask and Ye Shall Receive - Q&A

Got a question? I might have an answer. Leave a comment down below with your query!


	5. Dialogue: You're all talk.

Or, _“He said I said your ass was big, but I said it’s like a giant, juicy peach and I want to bite it.”_

 

For Mehrielle.

 

 **Tagging** \- It's not just hanging off bridges with a can of spray paint and thinking you're all that.

A dialogue tag is the marker that tells the reader who is talking. Fancy pants people call it _attribution_ , but that is more typing than I can handle on any given day. What effort. Ugh.

We will call them tags.

 

 

>  “I can’t believe we’re going to the BBMAs!” **Hoseok cried** , dancing a vigorous dance that had Yoongi exhausted from just watching it.

The tag **Hoseok cried** shows that Hoseok is speaking.

 

**How to Dialogue, an Epic Journey**

**1.** **Don’t be afraid to use the word “said.”** Your character is saying something. Said is an appropriate descriptor of their actions. You may have been told that Said is lame and no one likes him. That's a dirty filthy lie and you must erase it from your mind immediately. Okay, so maybe a some people don't like him, but the truth is, many people just don't notice him. Our eyes glide over said. We register that it's there and we move on. Busting out said isn't going to grind our reading adventure to a halt. Using a ridiculous frilly descriptor is more likely to jerk someone out of the zone than lil' ole said.

 

 **2.** That said (teehee!), there are instances where **you can skip tags in portions of conversations.** If you have two characters talking, and they are clearly identified, your reader knows who is who as the conversation flows.

 

 

>  Namjoon threw himself down on the couch, an awkward tangle of lanky limbs. "Let's retire and be billionaires, hyung."
> 
> "Even that sounds like effort right now," Yoongi said from inside his blanket burrito, rolled up tight in front of the TV.
> 
> "Gotta be a step up from being a rock though, right, hyung? You could be a rich rock."
> 
> "What I could be is asleep right now if you'd just shut up."

 

 **3.** **Don’t rely on or overuse fancy words as tags** : exclaimed, sighed, screamed, screeched, breathed, enquired, questioned, admitted, laughed, et cetera.  Like pepper on your lunch, there is such a thing as too much. Use them where they are appropriate, but your scene, description and dialogue should be working together to sketch out what’s happening without explicitly telling via tags.

 

 

 

>  “I can’t believe that you would say that about me,” Jimin screeched.
> 
> Jungkook sighed. “I never said your ass was big. I said it was like a giant, juicy peach.”
> 
> “And you want to bite it,” Taehyung shouted.
> 
> “…and I want to bite it,” Jungkook admitted.
> 
> “And you want to bite it, hyung,” Jimin shouted. “Why do I get no respect from you- Wait. You want to bite my ass?”

 

Improve the crap out of your dialogue by using it to paint a scene. Conversations don't happen in a vacuum. What's happening? What are they doing? How are they reacting? Be a creeper and listen to people on your next bus or train trip. Watch reality TV. When you hear and see dialogue in action, notice expressions, body language, the tone of voice, the use of breath, the reaction of the people around the speaker. Now apply these things to your story.

Show it with your descriptions and not just your tags:

 

 

 

> Jimin stalked over to Jungkook and poked a finger into his chest. “I can’t believe,” he said, his finger poking Jungkook with each clipped word, “that you would say that about me.”
> 
> Pouting, Jungkook captured Jimin’s hand in his own to stop the incessant assault on his person. “I never said your ass was big,” he sighed, catching Jimin’s free hand before it could continue what the other started. “I said it was like a giant, juicy peach.”
> 
> “And you want to bite it!” Taehyung said, startling Jimin and Jungkook as his head popped up from behind the couch, gleeful smile on his face.
> 
> Jungkook’s cheeks flushed red. He shot Taehyung a glare. “…and I want to bite it,” he said, dutifully repeating his own words.
> 
> Jimin wrenched his hands free and resumed his assault on Jungkook.  “And you want to bite it, _hyung_ ,” he said, poking his frustration with each word. “Why do I get no respect from you-” Jimin froze, cheeks pinking. "You... you want to bite my ass?”
> 
> And that was how Jungkook found himself wishing for death a second time that day.

 

 **4.** **Punctuation is sexy. Make those tags sexy with the correct punctuation.**

 **a)** Punctuation goes  inside quotation marks when the tag is at the end of dialogue.

 

 

>  “Let me see that picture,” Yoongi said. “I need a good laugh.”

**b)** Punctuation goes  outside the quotation marks when your tag is before the dialogue.

 

 

>  Jin, looking like a harassed mother of quintuplets instead of a twenty-five year old man talking to his roommate, said, “Yoongi, you cannot set people on fire for interrupting your sleep.”

**c)** You can even whack that tag in the  middle of dialogue like a boss! Check out that sexiness.

 

 

>  “Yes, Yoongi,” Jin said, “I meant it when I said you can’t murder Tae for waking you up.”
> 
> "Thank God," Taehyung said, teeth worrying on his lip. "I'm too pretty to die young and I haven't even seen the fall Gucci collection yet. I wanna live!"

 

 **5.** **New speaker or focus, new line!**

Each person gets their own paragraph, no matter how short, if the focus is shifted away from the original speaker and to them. They become the new focus, so when another character or the original speaker talks or reacts, the focus shifts again. Shifty business, but it makes for a clearer picture if everyone gets their own separate paragraph.

 

 

>  “Let’s get japchae to celebrate,” Jin said. Taehyung clapped his hands in excitement. “Yes, let’s!”

 Instead, do this:

 

 

>  “Let’s get japchae to celebrate,” Jin said.
> 
> Taehyung clapped his hands in excitement. “Yes, let’s!”

 

This occurs for every shift of focus unless your focus is the POV character who is observing the behaviour of others.

 

>   “Let’s get japchae to celebrate,” Jin said. _He snorted a laugh as he watched Taehyung clap, enthusiasm dripping from his dongsaeng’s pores._
> 
> “Yes, let’s,” Taehyung cheered, hands in a flurry.

 

**6\. People don't always speak in full sentences. They don't always grammar good, either.**

 

 

>  "I don't wanna do the thing," Jimin whined. He clutched at Jin's shirt, eyes impossibly wide. "You do the thing. You're good at it. Thing for me, hyung! Thing for me!"

 

**7\. Write it, then speak it.**

Hammer out your dialogue, fleshing it out to create a scene, and then speak it aloud. Unless your character is the most awkward, robotic person on the planet, the words should fall off your tongue naturally. If you can't say it without tripping over it, if you can't picture the character saying it naturally, scrap it.

 

**8\. Try. Try again. Try more and try hard.**

I just didn't feel like saying practice makes perfect. Which I just said, darn it. In all seriousness, practice does improve your dialogue, as does reading a mega tonne.

 

As always, feel free to hit me up in the Q&A section or in a comment below. I hope this helps somewhat. If you feel I could add to this or I have forgotten something, or *gasp* I have committed an error, let me know, politely. I'm receptive to feedback. It makes me feel valued and feeds into my self esteem.


End file.
